It's been a while since I've written in this blog but a lot has happened in our country and my life has been swept up in it. Today, though, I felt like writing again. As a believer and supporter of all faiths, I feel now more than ever we need a spiritual basis to calm and ground us. Our government on the fringe of turmoil, our political leaders (the few that are fighting for our rights) feeling as if they are powerless to stop the onslaught, leads the individual (a small, minuscule grain in the vast dust of the people) to feel confused. We want to be empowered and bring about a powerful change for the good of all in our country, and the world at large, and yet we have no idea how to do this. I will simply speak of my own feelings and thoughts below.
The 2016 election went underway and I tried, on election night, to stay up and watch as much as I could. Unfortunately, I had work the next day and so I left the live stream on YouTube running while I slept. I slept through the night but when they declared the winner to be Donald Trump, I groggily awoke and looked at the time. 3am. There is a part of me that doesn't believe in superstitions and then there's another part that always ends up formulating ties to explain an event that occurs. Whether, it's a car accident (I'll check the date and time it occurred to see if it'll occur again at the multiplication of that time years, months and days from the accident) or a president being elected at the hour of evil; 3am being the devil's hour. It's my brain trying to make sense of something outlandish that is going to prepare me for what will follow. The months after the election, through to inauguration I was letting events play out just as the majority of our country was. I too had agreed to give our new POTUS the benefit of doubt. Maybe he isn't evil incarnate. Maybe it's just my deep intuition going haywire. Maybe it's just a fear tactic that my brain is succumbing too. All of these maybes lasted for about a month into the inauguration and I saw, horrified, like the rest of our nation what a terrible leader the new guy had ended up being.
Looking at how he acted from tweet to tweet, from meeting to meeting and from executive order to executive order, there is just one positive thing that I saw from all of this. It spurred me to resist. To react and to mobilize in a political fashion that I have never done so in my entire life of being a resident of this country. I was heartened to know that I wasn't alone. The one positive about DT in office is that he brought all of us together as one unified force of the people against him. We are going to rallies (I still have yet to go to my first one and since the environment has always been the most precious thing to me, I will be making my stand at the Climate Change march in Staten Island, NY along with several others. If only there was a March for Science march on 4/22/17 near me, I'd go to that as well for I don't see science as being separate from religion.), signing petitions (every day I probably sign about 10-15 petitions and vote on countable (a mobile app) on bills that are going through Congress), check what our elected officials are doing and how they are voting, holding them accountable by going to town halls, speaking our minds to them and reminding them why they are in office. They are there for us and, more importantly, BECAUSE of us.
I'm one of the lucky few though because I live in a city where we are far more accepting of all people and diversity at it's core. Though, we are also struggling with racism, sexism and other forms of inequality as well, we are not giving in to them. We are not letting them dictate what is in the hearts of the majority of the residents here in NYC. We are standing together as a united community. Yet, I feel like I'm not doing enough. My family is telling me to distance myself from this. "Don't get involved" they said. "Politics is dirty. Stay out of it because it's not right for you" they go on to say. I know their reason behind this. It's solely to protect me against the harms society can inflict on those not ready to fight. My mom going as far as to say that getting involved in the community and reacting to everything that is going on in our government by resisting will only open me up to harm that others may cause me. Basically saying don't speak up, don't speak out because you'll invite the ire of those that are without remorse and they'll probably hurt or kill you. That is her fear for me, her child. How does one respond to that? How do I assure her that I have to stand up for my rights, her rights and the rights of others if I want to continue to enjoy the freedoms we all have when she has put that seed of fear in me. I begin to second guess my every action. Is what I'm saying to the new guy in his tweets going to invite the ire of the government against me? Or worse still, the ire of some of his supporters who are not afraid to take a life to further his agenda without remorse? Thoughts swirl, swirl, swirl in my head until they become a whirlpool of voices being all jumbled together moving ever faster and faster and with no end of stopping.
On a similar thought, I am now, after having lived here since I was 5 (we came to NY in 1983), for the first time more conscious of the color of my skin and how it stands apart from others. Every white person I see or come into contact with, I wonder about them. Are they friendly towards me? Do they have racist notions against me? Do they think I should go back to my country even though they would never have come here if it weren't for people of my origin? Would they listen to reason? Do I need to do more? Do I need to run for office so that I can show them what honesty and integrity really is like? Do I need to win their confidence so that we can bring the country back on the right track? Would I be able to even handle such a position, knowing the kind of personality that I have, and do good by those that would vote for me? Would they understand if I let them down and understand my reasons? If I were to run for office, where should I start? Should I start with local or state offices, or go straight for national? Why even run? I haven't been involved politically for years, I know very little of what it takes to make government run and even less than that about what's going on around us in other countries.
For decades, I've shunned and refused to watch or listen to news of any kind because I read in a sociology book that people who watch the news are far more prone to depression than those that do not. I've lived, for the better part of my life, a life of blissful ignorance. One of naivety. So, now what? Do I even have any right jumping into the middle of this unprepared for anything that comes after? So many questions and it feels like I know the answers. The answers are just there, hidden from view behind a veil that I need to slide open but as I get close to unveil the answers disappear and reappear further away until they become a fog. A fog that I am trying to wade through to contemplate and understand their meaning. The search continues. The quest continues. The purpose of my existence continues.
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
Monday, August 1, 2016
FIFTH ENTRY
I haven't had a chance to post for awhile but I have to get this out of my head and onto some form of written word while I still remember it as vividly as I do. There was an entry in this blog where I had detailed a vision that I had experienced in which I was linked to the death of numerous trees at my college campus. Not too long after graduating, while looking for a full-time job and sending my resumes out to any posting I felt within my capabilities to manage, I had an another one and this time on a bright and sunny day sitting in my Chevy Cavalier waiting for my baby brother to get out of his elementary school.
It was April 2001 and I believe it was during the time of Easter or Lent. I'm not too familiar with Christian holidays but I do remember that I had to force myself to go to the public library afterward to return some books before they became overdue and witnessed quite a few people walking around with black ash on their foreheads. In some weird vein of my mind, I feel that it was Ash Wednesday when I had this dire vision and in some part of my brain I feel it was on April 11th, which in that year fell to a Friday (I think). In any case, it started off like any other peaceful meditation session for I felt like keeping my mind still, and yet, occupied, while I waited for school to release.
My mind was quiet and at rest while I focused on my breath and took in all of the sounds of the world around me. Though the windows were up and I was parked in a nice shady spot, meditation always had that affect on me that I could hear sounds much louder and clearer if I just stopped, waited quietly and listened. The calm soon was shattered as in my mind's eye, I saw our then president, Mr. George W. Bush, standing in front of the Senate and giving a speech. I could not hear anything from the speech but it seemed to be that he was asking Congress to pass a bill or policy. It's a bit on the blurry side now for I remember originally I heard parts of what he was saying and it was as if I was watching C-SPAN and it was being televised for all to hear. Yet, I also remember that it was almost as if there was a spotlight on just him and, though, you could tell there were other important people sitting in the room, you could not see their faces.
The attention was completely focused on him and it was something that was said or enacted into law (or policy) that day that caused an international reaction. The reaction came from Muslim fundamentalists based out somewhere near Iraq or Saudi Arabia and the next thing that my mind's eye saw was a terrorist attack in 5 different states. It was the Twin Towers in New York, the Pentagon and the White House in Washington, DC, the spaceship-looking tower in Seattle, the Arc in St. Louis. and the Sears tower in Chicago. The attacks left us all devastated and it left all of us extremely, extremely angry. To my horror, what followed after the attacks was much, much worse and it was the start of World War III. A nuclear war that took billions of lives. I shuddered and snapped out of my vision, trembling. I was shaking so much that I didn't realize that at that same time the school bell had also rung and students were starting to come out. Back then, I was the official carpooler (Is that even a word?) for my brother, his friend and two of the girls that lived in our neighborhood and they all went to the same school. Compartmentalizing that vision, or trying to as much as I could for I had to safely drive these 4 children home, I made sure they buckled up and we drove back home.
Those days, while in the midst of finding employment, my ability to meditate and the visions that I used to have used to be very strong and focused and I had become so sensitive at times to my surroundings that others could tell when something was wrong. My quiet demeanor didn't go unnoticed with my brother who was about ten at the time for he was used to me snapping at him and his friends to calm down so we could get home in peace. Needless to say, I had other things on my mind. My youngest sister noticed it immediately as well when she came home from her junior high. I think what probably tipped her off was that I was watching C-SPAN when I got home and channel surfing all of the news channels to see if by any sheer coincidence the President was going to be speaking to the Senate that day. I was desperate at that point to find some sort of validation for what I had just experienced. For those that know me, know that I never watch the news. Never ever. So, coming home to seeing your big sister watching C-SPAN when you know she hates anything news-related was a definite sign that something was wrong.
It was probably a good 10-15 minutes, I think, of me channel-surfing for news that both of them decided to find out what was wrong. Looking at the concern on their faces, for I think I probably scared them (they'd never seen me like this before) I decided to tell them everything that had happened during my meditation session in the car. I remember us talking it out and saying to them that it's not like I can call 911 and tell them that there's a terrorist threat when I have no idea of when it's going to happen or who is involved. I'd sound like a crazy person and so the three of us decided it best for me not to say anything. I couldn't find anything in the news relating to what I had just envisioned and so we all went on with our day and I went to the public library to return the books.
For the next couple of days it was a lingering feeling that something bad is going to happen. Something terribly bad and that I should tell somebody of authority about it. That was one side of my brain. The other side warned about being locked up in a psych. ward for being thought crazy and so I kept this to myself and shared it only with just those few that were close enough to me to understand that this is not something that I'd ever make up. Days passed into weeks into months and then September 11th happened. Everything from the vision came rushing back but in my vision it had been so, so, so much worse. To this day I wonder if the reason I was given that vision was because it happened on my birthday. Did I tap into something, unexplainable; that somehow linked me to an event that had not yet occurred? Seeing a vision of the future, but it was only because it had a much deeper connection to the date it would occur on and that maybe I happened to trip into seeing that vision by sheer accident due to the date? The thought of this has baffled me still to this day and a part of my mind then scolds me and says "Why couldn't you figure this out back then? Why couldn't you figure it out and then have done something about it back in April when it would've been useful?".
Useful? I run that scenario in my head as well. I call 911 and tell them that there will be an attack on us and it will lead to WW III and that it'll happen on my birthday of that year. The operator will probably be gentle and take down my name and address and then call the mental hospital to come pick me up for a full psych. eval. That same part of my brain thinks "Yeah, as much as I valued the lives that were lost and wished I could've prevented it, I think I value my sanity a whole lot more".
In truth, I lacked the conviction back then to follow through with and support my vision in order to help others. I still lack that conviction today, almost 15 years after that horrific day, and it is probably why I cannot bring myself to meditate in silence anymore. Keeping my mind busy. Keeping it jumbled and forever trying to solve puzzles related to work or home. Keeping it involved with so many tasks that are without real purpose or meaning that the visions stopped coming altogether.
A witch would see this as me turning my back on myself. On my true self and the higher enlightened version of humanity that I could be. Of me running away from myself and the possibility of what I could do and those I could help. Unfortunately, my spirituality has succumbed to my rational\ logical mind where providing myself with a stable future and retirement out-weigh the instability that my visions would bring to my life and to the world as a whole.
Well, now it's out there and off my mind. Off from gnawing away at me one minuscule bite at a time. The experience, the vision, is out there in cyber-land and you all (the readers) can judge for yourselves if my inability to act was right or wrong.
It was April 2001 and I believe it was during the time of Easter or Lent. I'm not too familiar with Christian holidays but I do remember that I had to force myself to go to the public library afterward to return some books before they became overdue and witnessed quite a few people walking around with black ash on their foreheads. In some weird vein of my mind, I feel that it was Ash Wednesday when I had this dire vision and in some part of my brain I feel it was on April 11th, which in that year fell to a Friday (I think). In any case, it started off like any other peaceful meditation session for I felt like keeping my mind still, and yet, occupied, while I waited for school to release.
My mind was quiet and at rest while I focused on my breath and took in all of the sounds of the world around me. Though the windows were up and I was parked in a nice shady spot, meditation always had that affect on me that I could hear sounds much louder and clearer if I just stopped, waited quietly and listened. The calm soon was shattered as in my mind's eye, I saw our then president, Mr. George W. Bush, standing in front of the Senate and giving a speech. I could not hear anything from the speech but it seemed to be that he was asking Congress to pass a bill or policy. It's a bit on the blurry side now for I remember originally I heard parts of what he was saying and it was as if I was watching C-SPAN and it was being televised for all to hear. Yet, I also remember that it was almost as if there was a spotlight on just him and, though, you could tell there were other important people sitting in the room, you could not see their faces.
The attention was completely focused on him and it was something that was said or enacted into law (or policy) that day that caused an international reaction. The reaction came from Muslim fundamentalists based out somewhere near Iraq or Saudi Arabia and the next thing that my mind's eye saw was a terrorist attack in 5 different states. It was the Twin Towers in New York, the Pentagon and the White House in Washington, DC, the spaceship-looking tower in Seattle, the Arc in St. Louis. and the Sears tower in Chicago. The attacks left us all devastated and it left all of us extremely, extremely angry. To my horror, what followed after the attacks was much, much worse and it was the start of World War III. A nuclear war that took billions of lives. I shuddered and snapped out of my vision, trembling. I was shaking so much that I didn't realize that at that same time the school bell had also rung and students were starting to come out. Back then, I was the official carpooler (Is that even a word?) for my brother, his friend and two of the girls that lived in our neighborhood and they all went to the same school. Compartmentalizing that vision, or trying to as much as I could for I had to safely drive these 4 children home, I made sure they buckled up and we drove back home.
Those days, while in the midst of finding employment, my ability to meditate and the visions that I used to have used to be very strong and focused and I had become so sensitive at times to my surroundings that others could tell when something was wrong. My quiet demeanor didn't go unnoticed with my brother who was about ten at the time for he was used to me snapping at him and his friends to calm down so we could get home in peace. Needless to say, I had other things on my mind. My youngest sister noticed it immediately as well when she came home from her junior high. I think what probably tipped her off was that I was watching C-SPAN when I got home and channel surfing all of the news channels to see if by any sheer coincidence the President was going to be speaking to the Senate that day. I was desperate at that point to find some sort of validation for what I had just experienced. For those that know me, know that I never watch the news. Never ever. So, coming home to seeing your big sister watching C-SPAN when you know she hates anything news-related was a definite sign that something was wrong.
It was probably a good 10-15 minutes, I think, of me channel-surfing for news that both of them decided to find out what was wrong. Looking at the concern on their faces, for I think I probably scared them (they'd never seen me like this before) I decided to tell them everything that had happened during my meditation session in the car. I remember us talking it out and saying to them that it's not like I can call 911 and tell them that there's a terrorist threat when I have no idea of when it's going to happen or who is involved. I'd sound like a crazy person and so the three of us decided it best for me not to say anything. I couldn't find anything in the news relating to what I had just envisioned and so we all went on with our day and I went to the public library to return the books.
For the next couple of days it was a lingering feeling that something bad is going to happen. Something terribly bad and that I should tell somebody of authority about it. That was one side of my brain. The other side warned about being locked up in a psych. ward for being thought crazy and so I kept this to myself and shared it only with just those few that were close enough to me to understand that this is not something that I'd ever make up. Days passed into weeks into months and then September 11th happened. Everything from the vision came rushing back but in my vision it had been so, so, so much worse. To this day I wonder if the reason I was given that vision was because it happened on my birthday. Did I tap into something, unexplainable; that somehow linked me to an event that had not yet occurred? Seeing a vision of the future, but it was only because it had a much deeper connection to the date it would occur on and that maybe I happened to trip into seeing that vision by sheer accident due to the date? The thought of this has baffled me still to this day and a part of my mind then scolds me and says "Why couldn't you figure this out back then? Why couldn't you figure it out and then have done something about it back in April when it would've been useful?".
Useful? I run that scenario in my head as well. I call 911 and tell them that there will be an attack on us and it will lead to WW III and that it'll happen on my birthday of that year. The operator will probably be gentle and take down my name and address and then call the mental hospital to come pick me up for a full psych. eval. That same part of my brain thinks "Yeah, as much as I valued the lives that were lost and wished I could've prevented it, I think I value my sanity a whole lot more".
In truth, I lacked the conviction back then to follow through with and support my vision in order to help others. I still lack that conviction today, almost 15 years after that horrific day, and it is probably why I cannot bring myself to meditate in silence anymore. Keeping my mind busy. Keeping it jumbled and forever trying to solve puzzles related to work or home. Keeping it involved with so many tasks that are without real purpose or meaning that the visions stopped coming altogether.
A witch would see this as me turning my back on myself. On my true self and the higher enlightened version of humanity that I could be. Of me running away from myself and the possibility of what I could do and those I could help. Unfortunately, my spirituality has succumbed to my rational\ logical mind where providing myself with a stable future and retirement out-weigh the instability that my visions would bring to my life and to the world as a whole.
Well, now it's out there and off my mind. Off from gnawing away at me one minuscule bite at a time. The experience, the vision, is out there in cyber-land and you all (the readers) can judge for yourselves if my inability to act was right or wrong.
FIFTH ENTRY
I haven't had a chance to post for awhile but I have to get this out of my head and onto some form of written word while I still remember it as vividly as I do. There was an entry in this blog where I had detailed a vision that I had experienced in which I was linked to the death of numerous trees at my college campus. Not too long after graduating, while looking for a full-time job and sending my resumes out to any posting I felt within my capabilities to manage, I had an another one and this time on a bright and sunny day sitting in my Chevy Cavalier waiting for my baby brother to get out of his elementary school.
It was April 2001 and I believe it was during the time of Easter or Lent. I'm not too familiar with Christian holidays but I do remember that I had to force myself to go to the public library afterward to return some books before they became overdue and witnessed quite a few people walking around with black ash on their foreheads. In some weird vein of my mind, I feel that it was Ash Wednesday when I had this dire vision and in some part of my brain I feel it was on April 11th, which in that year fell to a Friday (I think). In any case, it started off like any other peaceful meditation session for I felt like keeping my mind still, and yet, occupied, while I waited for school to release.
My mind was quiet and at rest while I focused on my breath and took in all of the sounds of the world around me. Though the windows were up and I was parked in a nice shady spot, meditation always had that affect on me that I could hear sounds much louder and clearer if I just stopped, waited quietly and listened. The calm soon was shattered as in my mind's eye, I saw our then president, Mr. George W. Bush, standing in front of the Senate and giving a speech. I could not hear anything from the speech but it seemed to be that he was asking Congress to pass a bill or policy. It's a bit on the blurry side now for I remember originally I heard parts of what he was saying and it was as if I was watching C-SPAN and it was being televised for all to hear. Yet, I also remember that it was almost as if there was a spotlight on just him and, though, you could tell there were other important people sitting in the room, you could not see their faces.
The attention was completely focused on him and it was something that was said or enacted into law (or policy) that day that caused an international reaction. The reaction came from Muslim fundamentalists based out somewhere near Iraq or Saudi Arabia and the next thing that my mind's eye saw was a terrorist attack in 5 different states. It was the Twin Towers in New York, the Pentagon and the White House in Washington, DC, the spaceship-looking tower in Seattle, the Arc in St. Louis. and the Sears tower in Chicago. The attacks left us all devastated and it left all of us extremely, extremely angry. To my horror, what followed after the attacks was much, much worse and it was the start of World War III. A nuclear war that took billions of lives. I shuddered and snapped out of my vision, trembling. I was shaking so much that I didn't realize that at that same time the school bell had also rung and students were starting to come out. Back then, I was the official carpooler (Is that even a word?) for my brother, his friend and two of the girls that lived in our neighborhood and they all went to the same school. Compartmentalizing that vision, or trying to as much as I could for I had to safely drive these 4 children home, I made sure they buckled up and we drove back home.
Those days, while in the midst of finding employment, my ability to meditate and the visions that I used to have used to be very strong and focused and I had become so sensitive at times to my surroundings that others could tell when something was wrong. My quiet demeanor didn't go unnoticed with my brother who was about ten at the time for he was used to me snapping at him and his friends to calm down so we could get home in peace. Needless to say, I had other things on my mind. My youngest sister noticed it immediately as well when she came home from her junior high. I think what probably tipped her off was that I was watching C-SPAN when I got home and channel surfing all of the news channels to see if by any sheer coincidence the President was going to be speaking to the Senate that day. I was desperate at that point to find some sort of validation for what I had just experienced. For those that know me, know that I never watch the news. Never ever. So, coming home to seeing your big sister watching C-SPAN when you know she hates anything news-related was a definite sign that something was wrong.
It was probably a good 10-15 minutes, I think, of me channel-surfing for news that both of them decided to find out what was wrong. Looking at the concern on their faces, for I think I probably scared them (they'd never seen me like this before) I decided to tell them everything that had happened during my meditation session in the car. I remember us talking it out and saying to them that it's not like I can call 911 and tell them that there's a terrorist threat when I have no idea of when it's going to happen or who is involved. I'd sound like a crazy person and so the three of us decided it best for me not to say anything. I couldn't find anything in the news relating to what I had just envisioned and so we all went on with our day and I went to the public library to return the books.
For the next couple of days it was a lingering feeling that something bad is going to happen. Something terribly bad and that I should tell somebody of authority about it. That was one side of my brain. The other side warned about being locked up in a psych. ward for being thought crazy and so I kept this to myself and shared it only with just those few that were close enough to me to understand that this is not something that I'd ever make up. Days passed into weeks into months and then September 11th happened. Everything from the vision came rushing back but in my vision it had been so, so, so much worse. To this day I wonder if the reason I was given that vision was because it happened on my birthday. Did I tap into something, unexplainable; that somehow linked me to an event that had not yet occurred? Seeing a vision of the future, but it was only because it had a much deeper connection to the date it would occur on and that maybe I happened to trip into seeing that vision by sheer accident due to the date? The thought of this has baffled me still to this day and a part of my mind then scolds me and says "Why couldn't you figure this out back then? Why couldn't you figure it out and then have done something about it back in April when it would've been useful?".
Useful? I run that scenario in my head as well. I call 911 and tell them that there will be an attack on us and it will lead to WW III and that it'll happen on my birthday of that year. The operator will probably be gentle and take down my name and address and then call the mental hospital to come pick me up for a full psych. eval. That same part of my brain thinks "Yeah, as much as I valued the lives that were lost and wished I could've prevented it, I think I value my sanity a whole lot more".
In truth, I lacked the conviction back then to follow through with and support my vision in order to help others. I still lack that conviction today, almost 15 years after that horrific day, and it is probably why I cannot bring myself to meditate in silence anymore. Keeping my mind busy. Keeping it jumbled and forever trying to solve puzzles related to work or home. Keeping it involved with so many tasks that are without real purpose or meaning that the visions stopped coming altogether.
A witch would see this as me turning my back on myself. On my true self and the higher enlightened version of humanity that I could be. Of me running away from myself and the possibility of what I could do and those I could help. Unfortunately, my spirituality has succumbed to my rational\ logical mind where providing myself with a stable future and retirement out-weigh the instability that my visions would bring to my life and to the world as a whole.
Well, now it's out there and off my mind. Off from gnawing away at me one minuscule bite at a time. The experience, the vision, is out there in cyber-land and you all (the readers) can judge for yourselves if my inability to act was right or wrong.
It was April 2001 and I believe it was during the time of Easter or Lent. I'm not too familiar with Christian holidays but I do remember that I had to force myself to go to the public library afterward to return some books before they became overdue and witnessed quite a few people walking around with black ash on their foreheads. In some weird vein of my mind, I feel that it was Ash Wednesday when I had this dire vision and in some part of my brain I feel it was on April 11th, which in that year fell to a Friday (I think). In any case, it started off like any other peaceful meditation session for I felt like keeping my mind still, and yet, occupied, while I waited for school to release.
My mind was quiet and at rest while I focused on my breath and took in all of the sounds of the world around me. Though the windows were up and I was parked in a nice shady spot, meditation always had that affect on me that I could hear sounds much louder and clearer if I just stopped, waited quietly and listened. The calm soon was shattered as in my mind's eye, I saw our then president, Mr. George W. Bush, standing in front of the Senate and giving a speech. I could not hear anything from the speech but it seemed to be that he was asking Congress to pass a bill or policy. It's a bit on the blurry side now for I remember originally I heard parts of what he was saying and it was as if I was watching C-SPAN and it was being televised for all to hear. Yet, I also remember that it was almost as if there was a spotlight on just him and, though, you could tell there were other important people sitting in the room, you could not see their faces.
The attention was completely focused on him and it was something that was said or enacted into law (or policy) that day that caused an international reaction. The reaction came from Muslim fundamentalists based out somewhere near Iraq or Saudi Arabia and the next thing that my mind's eye saw was a terrorist attack in 5 different states. It was the Twin Towers in New York, the Pentagon and the White House in Washington, DC, the spaceship-looking tower in Seattle, the Arc in St. Louis. and the Sears tower in Chicago. The attacks left us all devastated and it left all of us extremely, extremely angry. To my horror, what followed after the attacks was much, much worse and it was the start of World War III. A nuclear war that took billions of lives. I shuddered and snapped out of my vision, trembling. I was shaking so much that I didn't realize that at that same time the school bell had also rung and students were starting to come out. Back then, I was the official carpooler (Is that even a word?) for my brother, his friend and two of the girls that lived in our neighborhood and they all went to the same school. Compartmentalizing that vision, or trying to as much as I could for I had to safely drive these 4 children home, I made sure they buckled up and we drove back home.
Those days, while in the midst of finding employment, my ability to meditate and the visions that I used to have used to be very strong and focused and I had become so sensitive at times to my surroundings that others could tell when something was wrong. My quiet demeanor didn't go unnoticed with my brother who was about ten at the time for he was used to me snapping at him and his friends to calm down so we could get home in peace. Needless to say, I had other things on my mind. My youngest sister noticed it immediately as well when she came home from her junior high. I think what probably tipped her off was that I was watching C-SPAN when I got home and channel surfing all of the news channels to see if by any sheer coincidence the President was going to be speaking to the Senate that day. I was desperate at that point to find some sort of validation for what I had just experienced. For those that know me, know that I never watch the news. Never ever. So, coming home to seeing your big sister watching C-SPAN when you know she hates anything news-related was a definite sign that something was wrong.
It was probably a good 10-15 minutes, I think, of me channel-surfing for news that both of them decided to find out what was wrong. Looking at the concern on their faces, for I think I probably scared them (they'd never seen me like this before) I decided to tell them everything that had happened during my meditation session in the car. I remember us talking it out and saying to them that it's not like I can call 911 and tell them that there's a terrorist threat when I have no idea of when it's going to happen or who is involved. I'd sound like a crazy person and so the three of us decided it best for me not to say anything. I couldn't find anything in the news relating to what I had just envisioned and so we all went on with our day and I went to the public library to return the books.
For the next couple of days it was a lingering feeling that something bad is going to happen. Something terribly bad and that I should tell somebody of authority about it. That was one side of my brain. The other side warned about being locked up in a psych. ward for being thought crazy and so I kept this to myself and shared it only with just those few that were close enough to me to understand that this is not something that I'd ever make up. Days passed into weeks into months and then September 11th happened. Everything from the vision came rushing back but in my vision it had been so, so, so much worse. To this day I wonder if the reason I was given that vision was because it happened on my birthday. Did I tap into something, unexplainable; that somehow linked me to an event that had not yet occurred? Seeing a vision of the future, but it was only because it had a much deeper connection to the date it would occur on and that maybe I happened to trip into seeing that vision by sheer accident due to the date? The thought of this has baffled me still to this day and a part of my mind then scolds me and says "Why couldn't you figure this out back then? Why couldn't you figure it out and then have done something about it back in April when it would've been useful?".
Useful? I run that scenario in my head as well. I call 911 and tell them that there will be an attack on us and it will lead to WW III and that it'll happen on my birthday of that year. The operator will probably be gentle and take down my name and address and then call the mental hospital to come pick me up for a full psych. eval. That same part of my brain thinks "Yeah, as much as I valued the lives that were lost and wished I could've prevented it, I think I value my sanity a whole lot more".
In truth, I lacked the conviction back then to follow through with and support my vision in order to help others. I still lack that conviction today, almost 15 years after that horrific day, and it is probably why I cannot bring myself to meditate in silence anymore. Keeping my mind busy. Keeping it jumbled and forever trying to solve puzzles related to work or home. Keeping it involved with so many tasks that are without real purpose or meaning that the visions stopped coming altogether.
A witch would see this as me turning my back on myself. On my true self and the higher enlightened version of humanity that I could be. Of me running away from myself and the possibility of what I could do and those I could help. Unfortunately, my spirituality has succumbed to my rational\ logical mind where providing myself with a stable future and retirement out-weigh the instability that my visions would bring to my life and to the world as a whole.
Well, now it's out there and off my mind. Off from gnawing away at me one minuscule bite at a time. The experience, the vision, is out there in cyber-land and you all (the readers) can judge for yourselves if my inability to act was right or wrong.
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
FOURTH ENTRY
To the Goddess, to the God
To the ONE that is all
To the Goddess, to the God
To the ONE that is all
A small chant that was running through my head this past weekend as I was driving out to L.I.C. with family to file for taxes. Watching the trees and checking to see if by any chance there were signs of buds on their branches. We're all looking forward to Spring and I more than usual. Spring will be the time of my allergies, but that's not why I'm looking forward to it. It's the rebirth of life all around that gives me this renewed energy high. Another reason is that once Spring arrives, I will no longer require the use of my car to get to work and home again. My daily exercise of walking to work and listening to my music along the way in peaceful bliss can resume.
It is the one thing that makes me feel life is worth living. Don't get me wrong. There are more reasons and each of us have our own reasons for living the way we do. I'm more curious about that single most important reason. What is it for you? For me, it's, undoubtedly, being surrounded by Nature. By the trees, the flowers, the morning smell of grass in the air, the birds chirping, the squirrels scurrying about, the few cats walking around our neighborhood, the people I meet on my walks to work who are usually either walking in pairs themselves for the morning exercise or walking their dogs and offering them smiles. Walking in to work, of course, delays me and so I end up staying later at work, but it's worth it.
Last year, I decided fairly late, after my allergy season was over, to start taking these morning walks, but that will not be so this year. As soon as the weather experts give me the go ahead that Spring weather is here to stay, my sneakers will come out of hibernation and my car will go into it (hibernation). So, come on Spring!!! We, New Yorkers, are eagerly awaiting your arrival.
To the ONE that is all
To the Goddess, to the God
To the ONE that is all
A small chant that was running through my head this past weekend as I was driving out to L.I.C. with family to file for taxes. Watching the trees and checking to see if by any chance there were signs of buds on their branches. We're all looking forward to Spring and I more than usual. Spring will be the time of my allergies, but that's not why I'm looking forward to it. It's the rebirth of life all around that gives me this renewed energy high. Another reason is that once Spring arrives, I will no longer require the use of my car to get to work and home again. My daily exercise of walking to work and listening to my music along the way in peaceful bliss can resume.
It is the one thing that makes me feel life is worth living. Don't get me wrong. There are more reasons and each of us have our own reasons for living the way we do. I'm more curious about that single most important reason. What is it for you? For me, it's, undoubtedly, being surrounded by Nature. By the trees, the flowers, the morning smell of grass in the air, the birds chirping, the squirrels scurrying about, the few cats walking around our neighborhood, the people I meet on my walks to work who are usually either walking in pairs themselves for the morning exercise or walking their dogs and offering them smiles. Walking in to work, of course, delays me and so I end up staying later at work, but it's worth it.
Last year, I decided fairly late, after my allergy season was over, to start taking these morning walks, but that will not be so this year. As soon as the weather experts give me the go ahead that Spring weather is here to stay, my sneakers will come out of hibernation and my car will go into it (hibernation). So, come on Spring!!! We, New Yorkers, are eagerly awaiting your arrival.
Friday, March 4, 2016
THIRD ENTRY
More and more, I've been thinking lately of how at peace and balanced I was when traversing through my college days at Stony Brook. There was a harmony with the Earth that I felt during my days there. Maybe it was partly because of the type of courses that were there, or the professors that taught them, or my thirst to learn, to grow, to expand my thinking or maybe it was all of these things.
College. It is the one place in the world, the one chapter in our adult lives where we truly feel like idealists. We feel we can do anything. We can bring about the change we want to see in the outside broken world. We can be the tipping piece. We can. We are. Those are powerful words and it's a powerful thought. It's a thought that I felt in the very deepest depth of my spirit. However, that idealism was shattered in college as well. There was no outside force that shattered it but myself. The idealistic world that our professors taught us that we could be a part of, to bring the change for the betterment of the world. That thought was shattered by me and it all started with a vision.
In breaks between classes, I used to sit and meditate. When I did it and the practice became a way of calming and grounding myself to the planet, I felt a peace that I've never been able to replicate since. It was during this time that I learned that about a few hundred square feet of forest land was slated to be destroyed to make room for a new science building. The irony of progress. In order to put up that building, they were going to clear cut and level ancient trees that had been there for hundreds of years and weathered so many changes. I came to know the plight of those trees when I was walking to my car in the parking lot adjacent to the land and there was a flyer placed on my car about the road leading to progress for our beloved university.
For the first time, I felt a sense of helplessness and a war began inside where I was at war with myself. One half of me wanted to raise awareness on campus, start a petition, save the trees for they had more of a right to be there than we ever did. In my mind, I yelled the words "They were here first! They should be given the right to stay. Build the science building somewhere else. They are as much alive as all of us are." I wanted to scream those words from the roof tops but I, the loner that I am, never worked well with crowds. Why would anybody listen to me? Why would anybody want to sign a petition that I would start? Why?
Self doubt. Self doubt is our only enemy in this world when it is over a noble cause. When we begin to doubt ourselves for the stand that we've taken, we've already admitted defeat. Once defeat takes hold, there isn't much left to do.
My sister remembers this conversation well. I had voiced my concerns, my thoughts and my uneasiness since learning of the plans to clear cut that land on our weekend drive home. She encouraged me to start a petition like I had wanted to but I lacked faith in myself. It was that weekend that I had my first true vision and it was so strong that after it was over I felt haunted by it. So much so that I went into a state of depression.
I used to own a small metal dragon (probably still do and it's most likely misplaced somewhere in the move) that could fit in the palm of my hands. The dragon sat on its hind legs and in its forelegs it held a small round blue gemstone. When I bought it, I had felt a deep connection to it, and so I decided to meditate that night holding it in my left hand, cupped by my right. I closed my eyes to meditate and immediately I saw the back of a man. He was dressed in a black and red plaid shirt and blue trousers. The typical lumber jack. Blue cap on his head and he was lashing away at a giant tree that stood at the very center of a vast forest. A forest of stumps. The single tree left was being chopped into pieces by him. The grass was green and the stumps were covered in blood. The tree that he was chopping was dripping blood. Blood as red as the deepest red rose.
Instinctively, I yelled at him to stop. I saw myself in the vision, still holding the dragon now in my right hand and I held up my left hand to stop him. I walked around so that he could see me and I could see him to plead with him to stop. When I came around, I saw that he himself was covered in blood. The blood of all those trees that he had killed and he kept at it. He couldn't hear me. I couldn't hear me. My yells, my screams were without any sound. Trying to rush to him, I dropped the dragon. Realizing this I looked down at my hands. They were dripping in blood. I looked up and it was me that was dressed as the lumber jack. It was me that had killed all of those trees. I was the one responsible for it all and the blood of those trees was on my hands.
My eyes opened with a jolt and I realized that I had been crying profusely aloud while in my vision. My stomach lurched and I felt as if I was going to through up. My insides all hurt and it was as if I had committed such a grave crime that I still looked at my hands and felt as if that blood was still there. That blood IS still there today because I didn't speak up and become the voice for those trees that needed one. That weekend, I couldn't eat, I could barely sleep and whenever I showered, I cried there too. I felt as if I had done something so vile and loathing that I did not deserve to live. If they could not live and I did not have the courage to be their voice, then I too, did not deserve to live.
In the midst of the vision, when I was crying alone in my room, I felt as if someone was speaking to me. I can't say that it was a voice but it felt as if it was both male and female at the same time and was encouraging me to accept my vision. Telling me that it's a gift and I should accept it and that I was ready. I just blabbered repeatedly between sobs because I was so distraught by it that I wasn't ready and that I don't want this gift. I still remember my exact words. "No. No. No. I'm not ready. I don't want this. No, I don't want it." The perceived voice was silenced and I was left to deal with what I had just seen in the vision. It had left me so paralyzed with grief that, for the first time in my life, I truly cried. I cried from my heart. I cried from my soul. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore.
It was a terrible vision and my visions, whenever they come, are never happy ones. It is probably the real reason why I fear to start meditating again. If I do, they'll come back and I never know how to deal with them. Never know when to believe that they are foretelling something real and when it's something completely disjointed from reality. For instance, if I had known that the vision I had in April 2001 would be a foretelling of the future September 11 attacks, this time around, I would've done something. That was another very disturbing vision and that will be reserved for a different post.
Getting back to my first vision, that week when I returned to Stony Brook, I spoke with one of my Earth Sciences professors and asked him what could be done. He had said that the faculty had spoken to the school about their plans to make a new science building and that they did not agree with the school. They didn't feel a new science building was needed but that the school board would not listen to them. I asked him if a petition to save the land would help to which he said it's a possibility but that in order for it to be counted as a valid petition, I'd have to obtain at least 100 signatures. 100 signatures! I didn't know 10 people at the university and out of the four or five friends I had, how would I be able to get 100 petitions to save the land. He also mentioned that in order for my petition to be valid, I would have to get school approval to start one and I could ask the university president for the approval.
Empowered by his words, I emailed our university president and implored her to allow us to petition to save the land that was surrounding the Student Union parking lot and save those trees from being cut. My words, my plea was answered by her the next morning. Though she encouraged and praised my thoughts and wishes to start a petition, she said that the development phase would soon be starting and so a petition would not help save those trees. However, she promised that for every tree they took down, the university would plant another two trees somewhere else on campus. I believed her, but somewhere, deep down, I didn't think the university would do it. I still wonder if they did as she promised or was it just a false promise to silence me. Maybe it was and maybe that's why I still feel as if I helped murder those trees.
College. It is the one place in the world, the one chapter in our adult lives where we truly feel like idealists. We feel we can do anything. We can bring about the change we want to see in the outside broken world. We can be the tipping piece. We can. We are. Those are powerful words and it's a powerful thought. It's a thought that I felt in the very deepest depth of my spirit. However, that idealism was shattered in college as well. There was no outside force that shattered it but myself. The idealistic world that our professors taught us that we could be a part of, to bring the change for the betterment of the world. That thought was shattered by me and it all started with a vision.
In breaks between classes, I used to sit and meditate. When I did it and the practice became a way of calming and grounding myself to the planet, I felt a peace that I've never been able to replicate since. It was during this time that I learned that about a few hundred square feet of forest land was slated to be destroyed to make room for a new science building. The irony of progress. In order to put up that building, they were going to clear cut and level ancient trees that had been there for hundreds of years and weathered so many changes. I came to know the plight of those trees when I was walking to my car in the parking lot adjacent to the land and there was a flyer placed on my car about the road leading to progress for our beloved university.
For the first time, I felt a sense of helplessness and a war began inside where I was at war with myself. One half of me wanted to raise awareness on campus, start a petition, save the trees for they had more of a right to be there than we ever did. In my mind, I yelled the words "They were here first! They should be given the right to stay. Build the science building somewhere else. They are as much alive as all of us are." I wanted to scream those words from the roof tops but I, the loner that I am, never worked well with crowds. Why would anybody listen to me? Why would anybody want to sign a petition that I would start? Why?
Self doubt. Self doubt is our only enemy in this world when it is over a noble cause. When we begin to doubt ourselves for the stand that we've taken, we've already admitted defeat. Once defeat takes hold, there isn't much left to do.
My sister remembers this conversation well. I had voiced my concerns, my thoughts and my uneasiness since learning of the plans to clear cut that land on our weekend drive home. She encouraged me to start a petition like I had wanted to but I lacked faith in myself. It was that weekend that I had my first true vision and it was so strong that after it was over I felt haunted by it. So much so that I went into a state of depression.
I used to own a small metal dragon (probably still do and it's most likely misplaced somewhere in the move) that could fit in the palm of my hands. The dragon sat on its hind legs and in its forelegs it held a small round blue gemstone. When I bought it, I had felt a deep connection to it, and so I decided to meditate that night holding it in my left hand, cupped by my right. I closed my eyes to meditate and immediately I saw the back of a man. He was dressed in a black and red plaid shirt and blue trousers. The typical lumber jack. Blue cap on his head and he was lashing away at a giant tree that stood at the very center of a vast forest. A forest of stumps. The single tree left was being chopped into pieces by him. The grass was green and the stumps were covered in blood. The tree that he was chopping was dripping blood. Blood as red as the deepest red rose.
Instinctively, I yelled at him to stop. I saw myself in the vision, still holding the dragon now in my right hand and I held up my left hand to stop him. I walked around so that he could see me and I could see him to plead with him to stop. When I came around, I saw that he himself was covered in blood. The blood of all those trees that he had killed and he kept at it. He couldn't hear me. I couldn't hear me. My yells, my screams were without any sound. Trying to rush to him, I dropped the dragon. Realizing this I looked down at my hands. They were dripping in blood. I looked up and it was me that was dressed as the lumber jack. It was me that had killed all of those trees. I was the one responsible for it all and the blood of those trees was on my hands.
My eyes opened with a jolt and I realized that I had been crying profusely aloud while in my vision. My stomach lurched and I felt as if I was going to through up. My insides all hurt and it was as if I had committed such a grave crime that I still looked at my hands and felt as if that blood was still there. That blood IS still there today because I didn't speak up and become the voice for those trees that needed one. That weekend, I couldn't eat, I could barely sleep and whenever I showered, I cried there too. I felt as if I had done something so vile and loathing that I did not deserve to live. If they could not live and I did not have the courage to be their voice, then I too, did not deserve to live.
In the midst of the vision, when I was crying alone in my room, I felt as if someone was speaking to me. I can't say that it was a voice but it felt as if it was both male and female at the same time and was encouraging me to accept my vision. Telling me that it's a gift and I should accept it and that I was ready. I just blabbered repeatedly between sobs because I was so distraught by it that I wasn't ready and that I don't want this gift. I still remember my exact words. "No. No. No. I'm not ready. I don't want this. No, I don't want it." The perceived voice was silenced and I was left to deal with what I had just seen in the vision. It had left me so paralyzed with grief that, for the first time in my life, I truly cried. I cried from my heart. I cried from my soul. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore.
It was a terrible vision and my visions, whenever they come, are never happy ones. It is probably the real reason why I fear to start meditating again. If I do, they'll come back and I never know how to deal with them. Never know when to believe that they are foretelling something real and when it's something completely disjointed from reality. For instance, if I had known that the vision I had in April 2001 would be a foretelling of the future September 11 attacks, this time around, I would've done something. That was another very disturbing vision and that will be reserved for a different post.
Getting back to my first vision, that week when I returned to Stony Brook, I spoke with one of my Earth Sciences professors and asked him what could be done. He had said that the faculty had spoken to the school about their plans to make a new science building and that they did not agree with the school. They didn't feel a new science building was needed but that the school board would not listen to them. I asked him if a petition to save the land would help to which he said it's a possibility but that in order for it to be counted as a valid petition, I'd have to obtain at least 100 signatures. 100 signatures! I didn't know 10 people at the university and out of the four or five friends I had, how would I be able to get 100 petitions to save the land. He also mentioned that in order for my petition to be valid, I would have to get school approval to start one and I could ask the university president for the approval.
Empowered by his words, I emailed our university president and implored her to allow us to petition to save the land that was surrounding the Student Union parking lot and save those trees from being cut. My words, my plea was answered by her the next morning. Though she encouraged and praised my thoughts and wishes to start a petition, she said that the development phase would soon be starting and so a petition would not help save those trees. However, she promised that for every tree they took down, the university would plant another two trees somewhere else on campus. I believed her, but somewhere, deep down, I didn't think the university would do it. I still wonder if they did as she promised or was it just a false promise to silence me. Maybe it was and maybe that's why I still feel as if I helped murder those trees.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
SECOND ENTRY
Not much on my mind currently except for the rising energy chant that once in a while I end up reciting and as I recite, I feel my body vibrate and hair stand on end.
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Earth, Earth, Earth, Earth
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Air, Air, Air, Air
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Water, Water, Water, Water
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Earth, Air, Fire, Water
Fire, Fire, Fire, Fire
I keep on doing this a few times over and I feel myself empowered, my energy rising and my aura spreading. The chant is just something small but if you don't feel the words in the chant and if you don't visualize the effect that you want it to have, then the words, the chant, are meaningless.
We are, after all, made up of the four basic elements and that is most likely why each of the integral elements in the craft are these four. Our bodies, on a molecular level, are carbon-based (Earth), and we require oxygen to be able to live and our organs to function properly (Air). We also require water to circulate our blood and nerve impulses correctly (Water) and we generate body heat just through functioning on a day to day level (Fire). However, all of these four elements are tied together inside of us and kept in check, kept in balance by the one element that is without form (Spirit). The Pentagram means exactly this and each line of the Pentagram signifies one of the five elements. Four that are found in Nature and the fifth (found in every living thing no matter how great or small) that is the conduit and keeps them in balance.
Monday, February 29, 2016
FIRST ENTRY
It's been years since I decided to write out my thoughts and lately my thoughts are running wild in my brain without any direction or meaning. To give them all some direction, I felt, I had to write. But what? What to write about? We've all, at one time or another, kept a journal or a diary while we were growing up. Some of us kept the tradition going from our days in school through to our adult lives. Most of us though, we found it difficult to remember to write in everything that occurred to us on a daily basis and so left our journal entry writing skills in our young adult lives. I too am one of those adults.
If you're reading this, you can't tell, but I'm smiling to myself. Smiling at the incident that occurred not too long ago. We moved into our new house back in May of 2012, but still, we are going through boxes of stored, how can I put it? Well, they're not valuables because the truly valuable are already out of their boxes and sitting in our rooms. They're more like lost memories that we had forgotten all about and one of those lost memories was a journal I tried my absolute best to keep during my days in junior high, maybe a little earlier. One of the things that struck me was an entry I made about what I had predicted to become when I would grow up. Most of us say we want to be doctors, or scientists, or lawyers, or artists but not me. I wanted to be a witch when I grew up. Isn't it odd how life works. It was an innocent wish that I made as a child never knowing the repercussions of what I was fantasizing about, but it turned out to be true. I, without knowing, ended up becoming what I had always wanted. Well, maybe not completely yet. I still consider myself new to the craft and what little time I have, that is, when I'm not stressing over work, I end up spending in trying to give some attention to my novels or playing World of Warcraft. Yes, I am one of those few obsessed with Blizzard Entertainment's ever-popular role-playing game. I've started only now, a few days ago, rediscovering my love for the Wiccan faith again and furthering my knowledge.
Though, I've come to realize, even in the most mundane aspects of my life, my first love will always be this planet. This Earth that we all call home and, as witches, we revere and hold sacred. Nature and I share a love that is truly unconditional. It's also one-sided. I'm in love with the beauty of the hills, the flowers, the mountains, the tigers, the bears, the snakes, the walruses, the rats, the beetles, the spiders, the bees, the lakes and everything and anything that falls into the natural order that is life. Mother Nature could care less about me, yet I can't help but open my arms in love each and every time when I think about the Divine. Now you may be wondering if I'm referring to the concept of God. Not entirely. I feel, humanity, for the most part, has dwarfed God to be a male figure, but isn't that in itself limiting God. Whether, when you think of God you immediately have this vague idea of a male figure or when you think of Goddess you immediately have a vague female figure in mind. Is it not limiting the true power of the Divine? I don't consider Mother Nature, Mother Earth or the Divine to be different entities but the same entity. A force (if your a George Lucas fan) of energy that lives and breathes through all matter. Be it solid, liquid or gaseous. We are also matter and for the most part carbon-based lifeforms, but our spirit is not. What is our spirit? Well, I think I'll leave that for a different blog entry to explain the concept of spirit.
Getting back to my love for Mother Earth. Though it may be subdued due to the demands of my daily life's rituals (i.e. home --> work --> errands? --> home), it has never gone from my heart. Never gone from my spirit. Yet, isn't that the way everyone's lives are? Family and work take so much of our time and energy that we forget the beauty around us often. That old saying "Stop to smell the roses" is lost on most of us because we just don't have the time to stop and breathe. Breathe in the luscious, sweet smell of the air around us. Breathe in new life into our lungs and celebrate the fact that we are alive. That we are here and that now is our time.
There is a lot more I want to say and I think I'll try and keep this blog going for as long as I have thoughts to get out there and share. However, if you've ever kept a journal and were inspired at one point or an another to predict what you wanted to be when you grew up, drop me a reply on my blog. Let me know if what you had predicted for yourself when you were young was indeed something you ended up becoming in your adult life. I'm actually curious to find out how many more of us had this gift of perception at such a young age.
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